Temple of the Priesthood of Aris
MEMO
To: All H.E.R.N.E. Field agents
From: H.E.R.N.E. Sovereign Commander Sir Knight Antediluvius, XIV Priesthood of Aris
Re: Whitetail Wushu and Prophecy Juice ™ Special Reserve
SROTN, who recently published an article on their website regarding the Deitrix Arysis, associated with the true Order of Arya, has also published a photograph depicting her likeness.
We have inserted a specially-trained black ops team near the location, who are experts in the northeastern art of our traditional Whitetail Wushu. The new highly effective Kung Fu will be more than effective in dealing with any of the Pornj Camel-jockeys they send over here. (They’ve been drinking waay too much of the wrong kind of prophecy juice–if you catch my meaning.)
To prepare your teams for the unexpected psychological surprises that are sure to arise in even most of our most able Knights, here is a short video of the new Whitetail Wushu. We have perfected a new attack style, called “Old Cockfucker Kung Fu”. Please memorize the style and use it when the Pornj Shogunate shows up.
In an effort to raise money for our various causes we will open a new line of Counterfeit Prophecy Juice ™ Special Reserve that is aged in barrels made from Red Wood trees. Very expensive stuff here guys.
Our northern teams have distilleries in every small town in Canada. If the SROTN tries to invade, we hand out free booze to everyone.
SROTN Chiefs of Ten does have a plan to invade Canada. It’s a 94-page document called Prophecy Juice ™ and the Canuck — PNK-ULTRA, with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It’s a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex whisky distilleries in the north. It goes like this:
I don’t want to give away State secrets and our invasion plan, but, what do you think Global warming is all about. You better start handing out those rifles, or, start paying tribute in beer and whiskey.
Our Canuckistanian micro-brews are 5-6 times as strong as the catpiss they drink south of the border. All we have to do is let them have 2 or 3 pints of our ale and then laugh when they trip over our igloos.
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